Got a fun Tell All tale today. Sort of. And the joke’s on me. Remember that post Funny Tales from the Pew? Well that was one of the funnier posts here on THLG, even funnier than The Ladies Are Here , Little Experiment and Busted (Yeah Me).
Funny Tales From the Pew wasn’t necessarily my funny, it was YOURS. You told the best stories in the comments and I laughed long and hard. (Might have snorted.) Some I read out loud to Jon. He humored me, laughed along.
(If you’re new here, I post recipes during the week, muse on the weekend.)
So today I’m hosting a Tell All for anyone who wants to be as
dumb brave as me and share. Share what? Well, you know – those idiotic things we do? Not on purpose or anything. They sort of “happen.”
Then we peer around furtively, hope no one saw. And if they didn’t, exhale deeply, thank the good Lord. Phew.
Oh come on, you do it too.
Some of you know I’m organizationally challenged. That’s a kind way of saying it. (A friend recently offered to lend me her book on Japanese home organization. Hint hint.)
I dream of the day when my doorbell will ring and a reality TV home show host will stand there, present me with an enormous yellow sealed envelope. My name on it in capital letters. Inside, a coupon for complete home organization. Free. For life.
Closets, attic, cabinets, the basement, the pantry, the garage. THE TUPPERWARE DRAWER! Yep, the whole shebang. A girl can dream.
Until that day, my only “reality” is limping along (more on that later), hoping I’ll “figure” it out one day, maybe before I turn the big five-O.
These days I’m working on organizing my home office. (I was “working” on this several years ago.) Ahem. One area needing drastic measures is the closet, stuffed to the gills with wrapping supplies.
Loose wrapping paper I’ve “saved”, wrapping paper rolls, tissue paper, gift bags, tape, gift tags, scissors, every imaginable width and color of ribbon known to (wo)man.
I’d been on the lookout for a wrapping paper holder for some time. I was thinking something upright, that wouldn’t take a lot of space. Something I could pull the rolls in and out of easily.
One day I’m bringing Charlie to piano lessons, and I spy with my little eye some items sitting out on a sidewalk. Just three: a doctor’s scale, a pair of children’s skis propped against it and a golf ball metal basket with a big “for free” sign. The basket looks just the right size to hold my wrapping paper rolls.
Since we’re on the opposite street side and already running late, I make a mental note to stop after I drop Charlie off. Too bad I don’t need the other stuff, because I’m driving the suburban, have all the room in the world.
But on the way back I’m apparently in la la land, because I totally forget to even look for the stuff on the side of the road. In no time at all it’s time to pick Charlie up and I drive the few minutes back to the music school.
Once again I notice the “free stuff” sign and the basket still there. But of course I’m pressed for time, so I vow to stop on my way back home.
I pick Charlie up and we chat about his lesson and eighth notes and quarter rests. As we pass the stuff on the curb. Dang. I did it again.
Immediately I take a hard right onto the next street. Figure I’ll just take a couple right turns and flip around the block, come up on the same side again. Except I don’t. Because in the not too far distance, car headlights. All going ONE WAY, straight at me.
Yeah, I just turned onto a one-way street at rush hour in a honkin’ suburban. My heart in my throat, I make a quick right turn into a driveway.
Thump thump thump thump.
Thump thump thump.
Thump thump. (My heart.)
When my heart rate recedes and I embrace the reality that Charlie and I will live to see another sunrise, I back up, drive back around the block and pick up the basket.
In retrospect, it wasn’t worth the palpitations and near death experience just for “free.” I vowed to slow down. And sadly my office is still as disorganized as ever.
One more Tell All, happened just a few weeks ago. I can only say I’m SO grateful my boys weren’t home. Because they would have died laughing, at my expense.
So I’m in a hurry and on my way out the door to a dentist appointment. I reach into the pantry, getting a water bottle from an upper shelf. The pantry has a step-down ledge about eight inches high, but I’m not stepping down, just reaching in. That’s the plan anyway.
I’m wearing shoes with a big wedge, and somehow in my rush, I lose footing, grab a shelf for support. Instead I manage to flip around, and elephant-style, land into the pantry, my derriere planted on the sharp corner of a metal woven basket.
So if you spy me hobbling around town or gingerly seated on a donut cushion, you’ll know why.
Laugh with me, and here’s your chance to Tell All too. Laughter can be cathartic. (I would know.)
Don’t miss: Funny Tales From the Pew
Mine involves driving too. I wanted to get a good picture of the Board of Trade for Instagram (yah, as if I have one of those accounts). So LaSallevis a one way street and I pull over on the left side and park. I pull out my phone and start taking photos. A man in the fancy men’s clothing store comes to the window and starts shaking his head at me. I’m like its a free country I can park where I want, even in front of his fancy pretty shop. After taking a quick shot or two I realize all the cars are parked facing me. LASALLE IS NOT A ONE WAY STREET!!! Fancy shop guy was right. ?
Oh Leslie, I love this story. Free country, make me move. Too funny. It’s also funny how certain we can be of something we just know is fact, then to find out it’s not the case. Humbling to say the least.
Aunt Pinkie says
What fun! I use a talk Longaberger basket for wrapping paper-works great!
I think I have seen your Longaberger wrapping paper basket, Aunt Pinkie. Now that is the perfect wrapping paper holder!
Susie Mandel says
Allie, I was laughing so hard at your first story but wincing at your second…OUCH!! I can relate, though I don’t think mine was as painful as yours. I was in my boss’s garage a week and a half ago (she is also my friend and works out of her house, thus why I was in her garage) and I walked around the front of her car to look at something and forgot there was a tiny step up from the driveway into the garage to prevent rain water from seeping in, and I teetered. I made the mistake that day of wearing platform sandals. I lost my balance and fell on my left hip. If it didn’t hurt so bad, I would have laughed hysterically. I can only imagine what it looked like from behind the car–arms and legs flailing as I was going down. I have been wearing two huge bruises on my left hip and inside right leg and have since donated my platform sandals. :/
Oh Susie, poor you, I feel your pain. That must have been awful on the concrete. I hope you’re feeling much better my friend. All these things would be so funny if they didn’t hurt so much. Hope you’re healing up and no more “episodes” like this in your future. (Or mine either!)
Linda Jenkins says
Hi Allie! At this moment, nothing specific comes to mind. I’m sure I’ve had plenty of those memories; however, I’m going to need some time to ruminate a bit. I do have to say you kept me giggling. Not so much with the basket story, but with your recent pantry fall. My downfall is that when something like that happens, I am immediately concerned for the individual, but I always convulse in a serious case of the giggles while I am trying to help. It is my nerves that cause the laughter. I’ll do some serious thinking and try to remember a story to post.
Glad you laughed Linda, me too, after the fact of course. Hope you have wonderful week, we missed you on Friday, hope all is well!
Oh Allie, we are kindred spirits! Hahaha. You had me wincing and laughing at the same time. One of the most embarrassing incidents that comes to mind at this moment (oh, there are many…) is a memory from junior high (Plenty of material there)! The double doors at the school were seperated by a wooden bar. I was walking backwards, saying goodbye to a friend, and when I turned around to leave, I walked straight into the pole dividing the door frames. Hehehe. I know once I post my comment, I will start to remember the more recent experiences and will be giggling all day! Fun post! Hope you have a wonderful weekend, friend. Xoxo
Oh poor you, that door frame was embarrassing, and yes we are kindred spirits for sure. I loved your recent post, the painting and the sandals sketch and the gorgeous lilacs. So much beauty in one post. Have a great week Carina! XO
Karla @Small Town Rambler says
Oh no! Well, I have to say after all that, I’m glad you got the basket! LOL! The things we do for ‘free’ stuff. I’m glad no one was hurt in the race for the basket AND that you weren’t hurt worse from your fall. My story took place years ago when I was just 21 years old at my sister’s house for a 4th of July celebration…fireworks and all. I lit one of the firecrackers that just popped a bunch once it set off, and I decided to make it extra fun by tossing it up in the air. Well, it flew straight back toward the crowd of guests at my sister’s…right at her neighbor’s feet! POP POP POP POP- that thing was cracking and bouncing around with every spark as that poor terrified man was dancing and hopping around to move away from that thing. Everyone was so freaked out but once it was done popping and everyone realized he was okay, my Dad started sliding out of his chair laughing so hard and everyone else joined in, doubled over laughing. I was so embarrassed though. See, my move for added entertainment wasn’t worth the palpitations and near injury just for “FREEdom” (haha). Must be something about the word ‘free’ that gets us all excited and not thinking straight.
I know Karla, that’s how I felt too. I got the basket!!!! And I’m alive to tell the story. Now that’s one story about the firecrackers. And I ‘m so glad no one got hurt and that everyone laughed. Because I know you must have felt terrible. It’s one of those things that just happened. Yes, new meaning to “free’dom that weekend! Yup, FREE! 🙂
Shashi @ RunninSrilankan says
Haha – Oh Allie – I really cannot laugh at you for either of your blunders because I have had very similar mishaps myself. One was me tripping over a hose in my yard and ending up doing a back flip on the ground – which my neighbor managed to catch on his phone! Yikes! Now I need to figure out how to get his phone so I can delete it – I guess am gonna have to bribe his wife with cookies and get her to co-conspirate with me! 🙂 And I made a turn thinking I would end up getting on the highway, only to find it was the exit ramp for cars getting off the highway – YIKES!
Your post reminded me of one of my favorite Charlie Chaplin quotes “My pain may be the reason for somebody’s laugh, But my laugh must never be the reason for somebody’s pain” and with that, dear friend, I am so sorry about your hurt derriere – I hope you loose your limp and soreness soon!
Dear Shashi – you so made me laugh with your back flip and your neighbor. Yup you gotta get that back, that is blackmail material for sure. I LOVE this Charlie Chaplin quote and I’d not ever heard it before. So true my friend. Wishing you a wonderful week ahead! xo
Moi aussi j’ai un rêve très similaire au tienne. J’ouvre la porte et toute la maison est rangé, nettoyé et très belle 😉
Totally agree with my favourite’s actresse, Audrey Hepburn ! Have a nice day my friend 🙂 xxx
Il n’y a rien de mal à rêver mon ami! Il nous amène à travers la journée . J’adore totalement Audrey Hepburn aussi. Passez une semaine merveilleuse mon ami! xo
Cheyanne @ No Spoon Necessary says
Girl, sometimes one MUST just laugh at themselves! Laughter is the best medicine if you ask me! I have totally driven the wrong way down a one way street and I’ve fallen into, on, off, up, down anything and everything. I mean, my family’s nickname for me isn’t “Gracie” for nothing. 😉 If there is a wall, I will run into it. I’m glad you didn’t hurt yourself too badly when you fell into the pantry and I’m thanking God nothing happened to you guys when you went the wrong way down the street!! Love that new basket for your wrapping paper! Cute AND free?! That’s the best!! Cheers, sweetie! XOXO
I’m glad I’m not the only one Cheyanne! Not that I want you going down one way streets regularly or anything. It’s just nice to not be alone. I love your nickname, btw. Have a great week Gracie! xo
Anu - My Ginger Garlic Kitchen says
Hahaha, you are you cute, Allile And Oh my gosh! This Marie kondos’ book has change in life in a good way. This has inspired me to remove almost 20 bags of 15 liters last summer. And I am proud of it! 🙂 And the best part I love that I am still doing is the unique technique of folding clothes. I just love it. Planning to de-clutter my home again this summer. This book sure is one of my best purchases ever! 🙂
Ok Anu, you convinced me. I am going to get the book. My friend told me it is so much more than a de-clutter book, it is really a way of living. I will have to learn about the clothes folding technique too. Have a great week and many thanks for dropping by!
Mandi Korn says
I wish I had a recent story to share…..mine actually happened 7 years ago, but it was so crazy I will never forget it. This event happened just before my wedding, Michael and I were playing with some kids on a playground. I was trying to show off for everyone, and I decided to swing between these bars that lined a pathway. I was of course way too big for this and banged my thigh really bad. Oh boy was I embarrassed and severely hurt. Here is the best part of the story…..that bruise did not go away for 2 yrs, yes that is right…..2 yrs. I am pretty sure even now 7 yrs later, I can still see the bruise, and my husband and I laugh on that memory.