The Ladies Are Here! Hope you got a kick out of Funny Tales from the Pew last weekend. If you didn’t get a chance yet, read that post before you read this one. Especially if you didn’t get a chance to read the comments.
Because we have some very fun (and very funny) THLG readers out there, and the stories relayed in the comments are at least as funny as my post. Probably funnier. Jon and I got chuckling over those stories, and more church tales of our own. There’ll definitely need to be a sequel I’m a thinking. We got lots more stories, and apparently so do you!
I still remember the day Jon came home from seminary years ago, told me the following tale. I couldn’t believe my ears. It’s true, and Jon shares it below, in his own words.
The Ladies Are Here
Most people don’t think of seminary as an exciting place. I guess that would be an understatement, considering the most common synonym used is the word “cemetery,” usually spoken with a wry smile. I actually enjoyed my time there. It may be because I “packed” three years into eight.
We marked the time by the births of our oldest two boys. One was born during Hebrew and the other during Greek. I think seminary should be enjoyed like a fine wine, over time. (My wife is not of the same opinion.)
My favorite and most entertaining professor was Dr. Frank Kik. He was a Presbyterian pastor for many years and told us he accepted the professorship on the condition that he be free to teach his students everything he didn’t learn in seminary.
And he did just that.
Dr. Kik was eminently practical, teaching us every detail of how to run a funeral, a wedding and a board meeting, as well as many other aspects of ministry I still use today. I’m grateful for him and his mentoring.
Dr. Kik also taught us many things most other seminaries probably don’t teach. Some of them I can’t share here because they’d set off your internet filter. Oh yes.
And there was the time he broke into a cemetery (not seminary) to bury someone who technically wasn’t allowed to be buried there. (An accomplice distracted the cemetery attendant as the hearse rolled by.) And there was the time he performed a funeral for a dog. Oh, there were stories. But my all-time favorite I share with you now.
Dr. Kik lived in a parsonage right next to the church. He made all of us swear we’d never accept a call to a church with a parsonage. You’re about to find out why.
Every Sunday morning as he got ready for church, two “blue-haired ladies” (his term) would pass by a large picture window in the back of his house as they headed to the church to get refreshments ready for the service. And each time they walked by the picture window, they would stop and nosily peer in to see what was going on in the Kik household.
They did this every Sunday, for years. And it irritated Frank to no end.
One Sunday morning he’d just stepped out of the shower and was standing at the top of the stairs in his towel yelling down a question to his wife Phyllis. That picture window looked right up the stairs to the second floor.
At that precise moment, Phyllis yelled with urgency from the kitchen: “Frank! They’re here! The Ladies Are Here !”
For whatever reason, at that particular moment the shepherd lost affection for those two sheep. And with the bravado of a matador, he yelled,
“I DON’T CARE! LET ‘EM COME!”
With a flourish, he ripped off his towel, just as the two ladies peered in the window and up the stairs. He gritted his teeth, flexed his muscles and let out a birthday suit roar for the ages.
And never again did those ladies peer in the window.
I know. I still can’t believe Dr. Kik did that either. I mean, he’s a pastor and all. And the thing is, church started about an hour after that “incident”, and he knew he would have to see them. Awkward. What do you think?
Gotta a funny or interesting story? Oh come on, do tell. Amuse us.
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